Thanksgiving Reflections: An Attitude of Gratitude

Scenes from my life for which I am grateful

The clearest moments are born in the darkest hours.  That all I got.

No, it's not all.  As I sit lay here in a swanky hotel bed in downtown Chicago I reflect on why and how I arrived at this moment. I escaped to breathe...and the fact that my husband was coming here for a business trip wasn't so bad either.   Looking back over the past 7 months I could heap a whole lotta complaining about who said what at my job and how things didn't go my way or as planned.  In hindsight I amassed large amounts of negative mental energy about my abilities as a new leader, community builder, and the intentions and shortcomings of others.  I spent so much time trying to please my bosses and prove myself that I lost sight of the real me: mother, wife, sister, friend, writer, foodie, movie-lover, dancer, fashionista, and all-around pure fu**ing  badass.  The work of community building stopped being innovatively fun and became, well work.  I lost weight.  I lost sleep.  I became crabby.  I blamed others.  I prayed.  I cried.  I almost forgot who I was, what God promised me, and the trials that He previously brought me through.  I needed a break and so I took it. 

And here I am.  I suppose the purpose of this blog is to encourage the reader to take some time to stop and smell the roses once in a while.  For every negative experience that you endure I promise that there are at least 2 positive ones that you can be grateful for.  Don't believe me?  Take a deep breath.  There's someone right now who is using a respirator to do this for them.  Wave your hands.  There's a war veteran somewhere who has lost their limbs.  If that last example was too dramatic for you, consider the device you are using to read this blog.  I think you get the point. 

As outlined in the previous blog there is a purpose for experience in which we endure.  You may be at the end of your rope about things that don't seem to get better but rather worse.  Consider then your attitude and the lens in which you view this experience.  Set yourself up to not only believe but act on the FACT  that this too shall pass and learn the lesson- whatever it might be- and GROW.  Commit yourself to growth.  God allows things to happen in our lives to show us what we are really made of.  If you don't like something and have the ability to change it then do so.  The Creator God promised to give us the desires of our hearts and he will align people in your path to set you up for that next blessing.  You just have to go out and look for it and walk confidently in the path that HE allowed. 

With that, I am now on my way out to brave the cold weather and tour the beautiful Windy City at my own pace. I am thankful for a family who is taking care of my 2 year old so that my husband and I catch up on some "us time".  I am thankful for the means to travel.  I am thankful for this revelation.  I am thankful for this comfy bed.  I am thankful, thankful, thankful. 

Labor (Day) Pain to Purpose

Labor Day. 

 

The hard-working, underpaid American worker in you looks forward to a day of rest, camping, and/or BBQ.  Thus, in celebration of this American holiday I offer a gentle reminder about labor pains and why we are willing to risk working long hours to do what we must on the job: every struggle or challenge is meant to build you and me.   

 

Here is the inaugural blog from my cinematherapy site which was written to give a reminder about pain, purpose, and following your inner voice.  The blog site itself was created 5 years ago following an incident in which I felt labor pains of purpose like no other after the loss of my first husband.  It continues to hold true today as I have elevated levels in my professional development in the past year since writing blogs on this site...and have learned a thing or two about managing people and systems. 

In summary the Europeans are doing something right with the 4 day work week.  Surely we deserve a day of rest.

 

 

 

The Movie

Whale Rider is the coming-of-age story of Paikea (Keisha Castle-Hughes), an adolescent girl from the Maori (New Zealand) tribe who, after losing her twin brother and mother during childbirth, becomes the heir to her family.  Paikea’s grandfather, Koro (Rawiri Paratene), the village elder, is bitter that his son left New Zealand after the death of Paikea’s mother and is reluctant to teach Paikea the Maori customs simply because she is female.  To channel this frustration, Koro starts a school for boys and refuses Paikea’s every advance to attend the rituals taught there.  Undeterred by her grandfather’s refusal and meanness, Paikea relies on her instincts and challenges conventional Maori wisdom.  What follows are dramatic scenes in which she upstages the village boys in various tasks and eventually fulfills a prophecy within her community.  In the end, Koro is forced to accept Paikea’s birthright, make peace with his family and his ancestors. 

 

The Message

Simply put, this movie is awesome and it pulls the viewer in at every scene with messages about purpose and destiny.  There are several messages in the film.  The first and most obvious is that Paikea refuses to let her gender keep her from doing the impossible.  At several points in the film Koro acknowledges, albeit within himself, that Paikea is the chosen one who is to fulfill the village prophecy and restore peace to the community.  However, he allows past anger to cloud his judgment.  The second and most powerful theme is that Paikea embraces her birthright and follows her intuition despite being laughed at and otherwise ridiculed by her community.  She is unapologetic for defying her grandfather’s commands, listens to her “inner voice”, and relies on her intuition to be her guide.

 

Your Wellness

Can you think of a time when you felt like you were meant to do something but it seemed impossible? Maybe someone told you that you couldn’t learn a particular trade, go to certain school, or closed doors in your face because your money was funny.  Maybe you listened to that person or even tried your best and things still did not work out for you. If you are so confident in your convictions that you can actually see yourself doing whatever it is that you want then you have to buckle down and develop your inner strength.  Like Paikea, you’ve got to listen to your “inner voice” and be confident in your abilities.  Believe it or not, there is actually scientific evidence in “faking it until you make it.”  Trust me, confidence goes a long way.   

Countdown to Honey Boo Boo

In my household I am unapologetic about my guilty obsession for trashy reality television shows- particularly those highlighting the trysts of  Black and Brown women.  I watch them so much in fact that my round-the-clock seizing of the Madison remote control brings my reluctant husband along for the ride.  And so his payback for having to endure many seasons of Basketball Wives and the The Real Housewives of Atlanta has culminated in him demanding that I watch the full upcoming season of TLC's Honey Boo Boo.

Honey Boo Boo, a pageant contestant from TLC's spin off, Toddlers & Tiaras, is in every way a stereotype from her satirical neck-rolling to her Southern backwoods vocabulary.  In a promo commercial introducing her family we find that they too are the zaftig, countryfied yokels you ever did see this side of the Mason Dixon.  And so as my husband put it to me, "If you can watch us do that, then we can watch them do that."  And by us  he meant the NeNe Leakes- types glorifying  a life of hair weaves, Birkin bags, "hood rich" homes, and and cat-fights.  By  them  he meant the Larry the Cable Guy- type stars who eat fatty fried foods, hunt, and swig Budweiser.

The challenge begins August 8th at 10pm.  !"You better red neck-ognize!" 

A Post- Baby- Body World

This is thick-thighed, wide-hipped, Bryce Dallas Howard (a.k.a daughter of legendary filmmaker Ron Howard) 4 months after giving birth.  In case she didn't know thick thighs and wide hips do not equate to Hollywood actress- or anywhere actress for that matter.  How human of  her to stroll with baby in public and not hide her head in the sand like a leper.  I mean, God forbid she loose 40 plus pounds of baby weight in 4 months just to have her face splashed across every tabloid while touting the miracles of breast feeding alone.  Not that anyone's keeping tabs, Beyonce, Scary Spice, Heidi Klum....you get the point.  

Losing weight is hard.  Losing baby weight is harder especially if you can't breastfeed or have the luxury of having dieticians, nutritionists, and personal trainers at your fingertips.  Hollywood is in the business of being thin which includes celebrities going to "work" in the gym.  Thus, it is refreshing to see an actress who doesn't look like the norm by her professional standards.  Even if Howard isn't looking to make a statement she's definitely making one and it says "Hey, look at me!  This is what a real woman looks like after she gives birth". 

In case it's not clear, the message here is to love your "post baby body" in whatever shape despite the dimples, dips, and jiggly things on the undersides of your arms and thighs.  Be you.  Loose weight at YOUR pace and by YOUR standards, and not those heaped on by the Jennifer Hudson's, Mariah Carey's, Janet Jackson's and other PAID celebrity spokeswomen who make a buck off of your struggle.  I'm just sayin...

My 9 Month Old Watches TV. So What?

Here's my son, Elijah asleep in bed with the remote control clutched in hand.  Isn't he cute?

Last September NBC's Today Show ran a segment about the harmful effects of television on child brain development.  The story- inspired by the Journal of Pediatrics' finding that SpongeBob SquarePants leads to shortened attention spans in toddlers- caught my eye because I like many overworked and underpaid parents am fine with setting my child in front of the TV while I regain my sanity.  And if you still don't think that's a good enough reason to plop my kid in front of the flat screen then you try commuting 2 hours each day to work, becoming a mother, wife, and moving into a new house all within a year and then get back to me.  I'll wait. 

Don't get me wrong.  I totally understand that too much TV for toddlers, especially infants, delays language development and can lead to shortened attention spans.  In fact, a quick perusing of the American Association of Pediatrics website suggests that children learn best from structured play and too much TV can lead to later problems with behavior, mood, and learning.  Thus you might ask why on earth would I, an educated woman with a Master's degree in social work let my infant watch television?  Good question.  .

First, I don't let him watch TV all day and when he does watch, it's usually one of the "educational" PBS shows like Arthur or Caillou (regardless that the AAP says that those programs have no such value).  The difference however is that my son is a friggin genius.  He said his first words at 6 months and understood words at 7 months.  In fact my husband and I will swear to the fact that he mumbled something that sounded  like "daddy I'm wet" at about 5 months.  He now says his name clearly, points to items he wants, skipped crawling and went straight into standing at 8 months.  Look at those tree trunk legs.  They aren't there for nothing.  Elijah also knows the difference between a cat and a dog so take that, Piaget.

The best part is that Elijah learns by observing my nephews' interactions with my mother, his daycare provider.  My parents do a wonderful job of coaxing him into socializing with the 3 and 6 year old.  He watches them with great scrutiny while mimicking their voices and sounds.  When they pick up a phone to say hi, he uses his mammoth hands to lift daddy's cell phone and say the same.   Some parts babble and some parts words, he talks and we talk back to him.  Therefore, ipso facto, I think his language acquisition is just fine thankyouverymuch. 

I'm not knocking a little television for infants especially when partnered with daily interaction, play, and common sense when it comes to child rearing.  Though the AAP recommends that children under the age of 2 not watch TV at all his father, grandparents, and I know when to say when.  We won't be placing a television in his room anytime soon and we don't let him space out with the TV on all day.  Our son is meeting and in some case exceeding developmental milestones.  All is well in the kingdom.

We Are NOT Our Hair...But...

I prefer the short and natural haired Academy Award winning actress Viola Davis to the bobbed-wig starlet.  I wont get into the permed vs. straight debacle on this post (not that I'm biased in any way about my natural locks).  I'm just saying, girlfriend is a knockout.  I just hope Hollywood will support this look in her future films.  How many A list natural sisters do we have out there?  I'm just saying...

The Little Things

In 2003 singer/songwriter India.Arie blessed us with her ode to simplicity titled "Little Things".  It's the little things that make us smile- a call to say happy birthday, cute shoes, a kiss from a loved one. 

While at work this afternoon I felt overwhelmed, exhausted, and extremely stressed to the max yet a client reminded me of the little things, turning the tables on me.  She said "whenever you go to your happy place, good things follow".  Imagine that- an 11 year old "therapizing" the therapist.  The little things indeed.

So I went to my happy place inside of my mind and visualized my husband and son.  No more than 10 minutes later my son accidentally pocket dialed me from my mother's phone...and my client just shook her head in affirmation.  Through his squeaky little 9 month old coos he told me he loved me and I replied the same.  The little things indeed. 

Let the church say Amen.